It's a Bird! It's a ...... no, it's the Deutsch BAHN!

I got to go on an adventure today....  (yep I was singing it) :)

Today I had an appointment to pick up my Residence Permit (Aufenthaltsgenehmigung - try pronoucing it!).  Yes, an appointment.  They don't send things like this in the mail...  you go an pick it up at your appointment time or make a new appointment.  I kinda like the security of that.

An y way....   We live in a little bit of a remote area, but not...  we had to call ahead to make sure the little bus (no.not.the.short.bus) would stop where I was going to be.  So, I get my ass up early and get ready and the whole time I'm getting more and more nervous...  stomach in knots kinda nervous!!!  This is the first time I have ridden the bus OR the train here....  and I AM DOING IT ALONE!!!  O:M:G  I finish up and out the door I go to Hallenbad (about a 5 minute walk) where the bus will be at 8:07.

I see the stop post, but dont see a bus...  I am early but I cant help but think I have missed it or they arent going to show up.  I look at my nails, but opt out of chewing them to the quick.  Then a small bus pulls up and sure enough, right on the minute, is my ride.  Germans are very punctual creatures, something I will have to get used to.  hehehe  So I walk up to the bus and the driver (Busfahrerin - female bus driver) waves me into the front seat.  I use the usual greetings and then she looks at me and says "Du bist der Ronny Barths Frau, oder?"  I look at her and recognized her as a friend's sister.  WOOHOO!  My stomach relents a bit and halts in it's threat to protest under pressure.  She was extremely helpful with telling me how to go about my travels, how to purchase my ticket (fahrkarte) and just talking about life in general, it sure put me at ease.  Thank the GODS!!!!  We arrive at the train stop and say our good byes.  This is at 8:12.

Now onto the RBahn (R-Train).  I had 5 minutes to spare so I snapped a couple photos...  I will attach them later.  The train pulls up at 8:20 and the few people file in and take their seats.  I of course opt for a window seat, the day is beautiful and I want to watch the country side roll by.  The trains are nice, comfortable, leg room to spare and surprisingly very celan for public transportation.  The train goes so freakin fast (upwards of 125 MPH!) that it is hard to get pictures of anything.  Then this feeling comes over me, relief... and some self confidence.  Knowing I can do this (ich scharf es) opens up a whole new door of possibilities for me!  WOOT WOOT!

The train pulls into the Nürnberg Hauptbahnhof (Main train station) at 8:48 and I get off the train and for just a moment I am frozen.  I hear the lady on the intercome explain where the next stations are for the next train but she spoke so fast that I wasnt sure if the Roth train was track 1 or track 6.  omg OMG OMG!!!!  So I go straight to the info board (there is one posted at every stop in German of course) and see that the SBahn to Roth is on track 1 and leaves at 9:01.  Where the hell is track 1?  Oooooooh.....  I seeeeeee....  I have to go down the stairs and then read the signs that tell me what direction track 1 is in.  hehehehe  No time to smoke but I can do that when I get to my destination (hurry up!!!!  I am niccing!!).  I also saw that there are foodmats, and little shops here and there at the main station, its nice to know that if you are hungry or thirsty and have time.  AND HAVE TIME!  I get to the train, take my seat, and in a couple of minutes it starts rolling....  and YEP, exactly at 9:01!

I enjoy the scenery along the way and we pull into the Roth station at 9:28.  As I am walking off the train I am looking at my Stadtplan (city map) and HOPING I am walking in the right direction.  I am so freaking lost on geography here.  Then I see the street sign where I am supposed to turn right and release a breath I didn't realize I was holding....  THANK YOU!  My brain silently screamed while I look up at the sky.  Now onto my 1K walk to the Landratsamt...

I make it German style (right on time) and my appointment lasts all of 7 whole minutes....  yep, SEVEN minutes....  haha and then I am off on my walk back to the Bahn.  I stopped in the wooded area and snapped a couple of beautiful photos of the light in the trees and contemplated taking a walk through the forest, then I remembered my Grandfather always saying, don't stray too far from the main path.  He is right, I was alone and I didnt know the area I was in, so I go back to the street and start walking.  He must have been sitting on my shoulder cause not more than 2 minutes later, my bosses pull up in their car and hail me...  They asked if I would like a ride back to Greding and I thankfully accept.  I was kinda looking forward to the Buss und Bahn BUT that just means I will have to plan my next adventure!!!!

The Gap! Oh My GODS THE GAP!

So here I am living in Germany now for the last 8 months...  I have never been this happily (and... not so happily) lost before in my life!!!!

The food here...  one word LECKER!!!!  (that one word literally translated: delicious, yummy, scrumptious, delectable, luscious, lovely, toothsome, palatable, mouth-watering, savory, savoury, appetizing, nice. - yes... i shit you not... that one word means all this!)  You haven't had saurkraut until you have had bavarian saurkraut!  And the Wurst (sausage) here...  OMG!!  I am not a beer girl...  I like my irish wine :)  but here...  there is Weißbier, Weißen, Rauchen (smoked beer!  yes please!!!), Dunkelweißen.  My Deutsch blood seriously loves the BIER!

The people...  hmmm....  it depends... mostly warm and friendly.  Being an American who speaks English is a plus for most people I meet.  They ask many questions about America and love to hear the spoken English (I imagine it is the same when in the U.S. and I hear an accent from another country, I am drawn to it).  One the flip side of that coin...  some people find out I am from America and they try to avoid me like I have the plague.  LOL  Oh well....  win a few lose a few.

The climate is EXACTLY like Washington State...  the seasons, the landscape... all of it!  Now I know why my forefathers picked Washington!!!

The politics and social systems are basically the same....  I haven't delved too deep into the politics but from what I have seen so far, the problems are smiliar...  with a few exceptions of course.  Germany is democratic and the people here actually have a voice.

but THE GAP

I am experiencing two major gaps in life right now...

1. I am not able to have a complete and intellectual conversation with anyone because of language.  My social life is limited to broken conversations with loss in translation.  It is VERY hard and VERY frustrating to not be understood nor understand completely.  It's down right depressing!  I never knew how much a social life is important to mental health....  don't know what you got till it's gone?

2. Knowing what is going on...  On October 23rd, 2013 my life in America stopped...  since that day I have no idea what is really happening over there.  Not like I really knew to begin with but I could watch the news and read the paper and catch up on majors and be able to have an intelligent conversation over selective topics.  Now my life in Germany??  I know some major events in history but I DO NOT KNOW Germany, I don't know it's quarks or its sayings.  From October 23, 2013 I get to learn a condensed form of history and if I am lucky I will get to know the intimate German way of life before I die.  Not likely but I will give it my best go.

These are things people don't understand when someone is from another country....  They expect you to know everything!  And speak the language immediately (well some do anyway).  And I know it can be frustrating on both sides.

I don't blame Germany for wanting people to speak German...  after all...  I live in Germany!!!  I have that same principle for living on the other side of the Atlantic (or any country for that matter).  Yes, I believe I must (and will) speak German...  yes, I believe I must (and will) learn about Germany, living in Germany, the history of Germany.  But it's been 8 months...  8 fucking months to learn EVERYTHING?!?  NO, stuff that exactly where the sun won't shine (oder auf Deutsch - Leck mich im Arsch)...  you have had your ENTIRE life to learn it all.  Give a girl a break!  It will come...  it will happen.  And at least I am actually trying!!!

So to sum it up...  I love it here!  I don't completely fit in but it will come.  All I need is time (and to find a way to close THE GAP).

:)

The First Cut?

Woke up to a song lyric stuck in my head .....The first cut is the deepest.....  but...  thinking (yeah I know, it's a dangerous thing for me to do) I have to disagree.  And yes, of course I am going to tell you why I disagree.  Before the 'cut' there are many happenings leading up to it...  and then....  well, just read on.

**I am going to use an analogy that is kinda gruesome so bare with me....  and think!!!  Don't forget to think beyond the words you are reading...

Think of the thigh area, now think of a small spot on the thigh area...  for the most part it is covered and protected by jeans or what have you, staying in tact, smooth, safe, calm, away from the sight of onlookers.  But when it is exposed it is subject to a wide range of possible harms that you normally don't see coming like sunburn (been there many times), windburn (motorcycle riding in shorts... anyone?), extreme cold, stings, bites, scrapes, chaffing... just to name a few.

Soooo....  on to the analogy

On that small area, you get stung by a bee...  it stings, probably burns, turns red...  but after a few days it is gone and you think nothing of it, a little cream, a tiny bit of TLC and then not another thought and all is right with the world (thigh).

Shortly after that, your hiking and get attacked by a sticker bush while you are wearing jeans...  you can feel the stinging under the protective layer and you KNOW there is going to be blood.  So you rush away, safe from the harm of the herbal assault and you let down that protection to see a deep scratch.  Yep, its bleeding, and swollen, and inflamed, and you need a bandaid.  So you clean up the mess, use some salve, cover up the problem with a bandaid, and hope it will get better without becoming worse.  It takes a few days longer to heal this time... but still...  it heals, it leaves behind a faint scar that will fade with time.  And once again all is right with the world.  The skin is now permanently damaged, its minor, and barely noticable to most people.  But now everytime you see that tiny fractal of a scar you will think of the sticker bush.

That summer you go tubing in the river...  the water is still high and after the winter there are unknown dangers under the water but you go anyway...  ITS FUN and most of the time nobody gets hurt.  So excitedly, you grab your tube, and your friends... and off you go...  the air gives off a perfume that is a mix of summer earth and water and trees, the water is cool but the touch of the warm sun feels absolutely sinfull. You are laughing and smiling and feeling wonderfully complete and totally satisfied with life.  You see rapids ahead but you are confident you can handle them.  With your feet up you glide over the first set without complication, still smiling, still laughing.  But then, it hits you out of no where and you go under.

The pain in your leg makes you scream but no one hears it.  It takes a split second between the fire in your leg and the fire in your lungs for your brain to register that you need to surface.  You break the surface, gasp for air, and body surf the rest of the rapids until you hit the calm end, your leg throbbing with the beat of your heart.  You make your way to the shore and then sit down to assess and collect.  Your friends scramble to be by your side and then everyone sees it...  there is a deep gash on your thigh that is pouring blood, you grab a towel and cover it and hold it tight.  Off to the hospital.

In the emergency room the attendant sees the blood through the sand covered towel that you are trying to protect it with.  And you are quickly ushered to a bed in the trauma area.  The nurses hover, your friends are escourted away, and you are laying there in pain and feeling so very stupid for going tubing...  you wish you could just hide away and wake up and it all be a nightmare.  But its not, so you lay there in humiliation wondering what comes next  The doctor comes in and assesses the injury, no broken bones but there is sand in the wound and what does not come out with irrigation will have to be surgically extracted.  The nurse gives you a shot, and you drift and list for a moment before darkness takes over.

You wake up in your hospital room...  lift the blanket and see you still have both your feet. Fleeting relief sweeps over you.  You lift the gown to see that a large area of your thight is wrapped with bandage and dressing.  There is pain, a lot of it.  The nurse comes in to explain that the surgeon had to cut away some of the damaged tissue with the hopes that it would heal better.  You hope it will heal, you hope the scar wont be horrible.

Months later...  your eyes open and you stretch, yawn, and sit up...  while sitting on your bed you look at your thigh and see the deep scar.  Immediately you think of the accident and the pain.  And you are amazed that when you touch it there is no feeling.  It is totally numb, almost lifeless.  There is no glimmer of hope left that it will continue to heal.  The damage has been done and you know it will never be the same again.

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So....  there you have it.  My analogy.... 

The first cut is never the deepest...  first there is irritation, and then repairable damage, but once something is injured repeatedly or traumatically...  it will never be the same again.  We can go about life as if it didn't happen, we can cover it up.  But in the end, the damage has been done. One can only hope that it can eventually be over looked.

The worst scars...  are emotional