Been here for a year now.... whoa.................
Its been hard, its been fun, its been challenging, and I am lost. Is there a T-Shirt somewhere for that?
Moving to another country has its ups and downs. The ups... foreign anything! Food, culture, language, sites... etc. Downs... red tape from hell, especially when not from an EU country (in my case), learning a new language at the age of 40 something is not an easy take to undertake, and finding out that a social life and all that I thought it was lacking is now non-existant.
What I miss most?
My kids... I am missing out on one of the most important years of my youngest sons life and all it entails. I will be there for his graduation and that is a good thing but I am going to miss his 18th birthday, I missed his first car already... his senior prom, his first girlfriend? My oldest is off finding himself in this huge world, I am so proud of him and cant wait to meet up with him back home :) Sometimes living life spontaniously is not all it is cracked up to be.
And man oh man!!!! what I wouldnt give for a night of karoke with my besties! I wish my man could see the person I am when I sing. We have yet to go out for a night like that. Maybe some day it will happen.
A campfire and a bottle of Crown!!! and of course a thermos of coffee!! Or a night swim at Bear Rock.
Yep, I am definitaley homesick
I am finding that here in Germany, I dont really know who I am or who I am supposed to be. I am quite lost. I have made a 'friend' or so I think, but we really dont hang out. I have a job as a breakfast waitress... working a job that not really many German people would take but is perfect for an Auslander, its work and there is always pride in work but there is no comfort in it. My man and I get along fine and we love each other. But there is this huge piece of me that is missing. I no longer dance and sing... I still take pictures but no one really seems to notice them or the thought process behind the photos. My German language skills are passable but not good enough to really make a mark here. I am..... lost in a world that I dont really understand.
Me - my thoughts processes are all still the same... I am who I am and will always be
Myself - 'I' understand who I am...
that German Girl? - I dont know her yet... I dont know where she fits in to the whole of things. She is there... but she is a wall flower... she is not anything close to me and myself.
I wont give up... I refuse to... but sometimes its really really hard.
I feel kinda alone.
Thanks for reading.... :)
