Sitting with my husband and looking at videos from the 80's and then looking at live videos from today time of the same singers ... some have faired vera vera well... while others (if they are still living)... not so much.
But then it hits me... As a teenager listening to these same songs way back when - did I ever think then what life would be like now? Ummmmm.... HELL NO!!! I lived in the moment, in each and every moment!
I absorbed the music, I reveled in it, I related to it, and I memorized every single lyric to every song that stuck that familiar chord inside me. I taped the music from the radio on a cassette recorder and then played back every single second of it while writing down the words as fast as I could and hoping I got it right... I... LIVED... IN... THE... MOMENT! Never ever thinking of what life would be like 30 years later (I mean, ya know, like back then, 30 was so freaking old! ya know). I was invincable and indestructible and I was never going to be old!!
Looking back, I long for that girl sometimes. The carefree life, the going at a whim and the friends and laughter from those times. The being absolutey in love with THAT singer or THAT teen star (or older star). For me it was the cute blonde from Escape To Witch Mountain. EVERY single time I would see him or that movie my heart would flutter and I would just star at the TV in a drool enduced trance. WOW!!! OR.... the lead singer from A-HA. My closest friends know how lost I would get if any of their songs were playing. I was a 'love sick' girl stuck in another glorious world!
Sigh.... but now, here I am in my forties and while hearing the music, it still brings a smile... but not the heartthroblovesickyearningdreaming smile of then... it makes me smile because I remember what it was like to be younger... full of energie and wonder. Where has she gone??
When I look in the mirror, I know she is there but the woman staring back at me is not the same person. The woman in the mirror is becomming wrinkled and her hair has white hot streaks of 'Nordic blonde' running through it. Her lips are not as full as they once where, and her skin is no longer the smooth dollface color it used to be. She still smiles but her eyes don't carry the same light they used to. Where has she gone???
Every once in a while... I still get a glimps of her... and it makes my heart flutter. And it's in these moments that I walk away from the mirror feeling as young on the outside as my heart is on the inside...
We are all teenagers wondering what the hell happened!
Forever young :)
31.5.14
28.5.14
Arbeiten??
So... I have just today been informed that I will no longer have a job (I was working remotely as a freelance accountant in Amerika) after a the end of July...
Needless to say, I am very sad over this, to the point of crying... I helped to build this company from the ground up... for the last 3+ years I have donated my time, money, energy and mind to making this company work... but the american economy and the new rules placed on small business operations are forcing my company to step off the business block. What a shame :(
Sooooooo.... now I am faced with what I want to do in Germany. In Amerika they give credit to prospective employees who have worked for an extended period in the same field when applying for work. In Germany.... HA! You need some piece of paper saying you made an apprentiship or better... In short... if you cant prove your worth on paper, well then you better be looking for some kind of work that is less than a laborer.
I have dreams... one day I would like to be the boss of a kitchen... or the owner of a restaurant. But in Germany without a piece of paper saying that I went to school for a certain period of time or without a Bachelors or better in Gastoronomy... Im fucked. Maybe I can win the lottery. *shrug*
I find that working in Amerika is easier... when you have the time under your belt, it doesnt matter if you went to school or not. You can prove your worth by demonstration... rather than some fucking stupid piece of paper that doesnt say anything other than you went to school for a number of weeks or months. I have been in the food service business for years and years and years... but.... that doesnt matter here. I dont have some paper proving it!
Sigh... so I will take some 400€ per month job somewhere... and just be a common person. No standards, no expectations... maybe it will be a blessing in disguise.
GOOGLE übersetzt:
Also ... ich habe gerade heute darüber informiert, dass ich nicht mehr einen Job haben nach einer Ende Juli (ich war aus der Ferne als freischaffender Buchhalter in Amerika arbeiten ) ...
Unnötig zu sagen , ich bin sehr traurig über diese , bis zu dem Punkt zu weinen ... Ich half, diese Firma von Grund auf ... in den letzten 3 Jahren habe ich meine Zeit, Geld , Energie und Geist gespendet bauen machen dieses Unternehmen zu arbeiten ... aber die amerikanische Wirtschaft und die neuen Regeln auf kleinen Geschäftsbetrieb gebracht werden mein Unternehmen zu zwingen, Schritt aus dem Geschäftshaus . Was für eine Schande : (
Sooooooo .... jetzt bin ich mit dem, was ich in Deutschland tun, konfrontiert. In Amerika Kredit geben sie an potenzielle Mitarbeiter, die für einen längeren Zeitraum auf dem gleichen Gebiet bei der Bewerbung für Arbeit gearbeitet haben. In Deutschland .... HA ! Sie müssen einige Stück Papier sagen, Sie machte eine apprentiship oder besser ... Kurz gesagt ... wenn Sie schräg auf dem Papier beweisen Ihren Wert , auch dann werden Sie besser auf der Suche nach irgendeiner Art von Arbeit, die weniger als ein Arbeiter ist .
Ich habe Träume ... ich eines Tages möchte der Chef einer Küche ... oder der Eigentümer eines Restaurants sein . Aber in Deutschland ohne ein Stück Papier , dass ich zur Schule ging, für einen bestimmten Zeitraum oder ohne Bachelor oder besser in Gastoronomy ... Ich bin gefickt . Vielleicht kann ich in der Lotterie gewinnen . * Achselzucken *
Ich finde, dass die Arbeit in Amerika leichter ist ... wenn Sie die Zeit auf dem Buckel haben , ist es egal, wenn Sie zur Schule ging oder nicht. Sie können Ihren Wert beweisen , indem Demonstration ... anstatt einige verdammt dumm Stück Papier, das nichts anderes , als Sie zur Schule ging für einige Wochen oder Monate zu sagen hat . Ich habe in der Food-Service- Geschäft für Jahre und Jahre und Jahre (20 Jahre +) gewesen ... aber .... das spielt hier keine Rolle . Ich habe nicht ein Blatt Papier beweisen Sie es!
Seufz ... so dass ich rund 400 € pro Monat Job irgendwo treffen ... und nur ein gewöhnlicher Mensch sein . Keine Standards , keine Erwartungen ... vielleicht wird es ein Segen sein .
Needless to say, I am very sad over this, to the point of crying... I helped to build this company from the ground up... for the last 3+ years I have donated my time, money, energy and mind to making this company work... but the american economy and the new rules placed on small business operations are forcing my company to step off the business block. What a shame :(
Sooooooo.... now I am faced with what I want to do in Germany. In Amerika they give credit to prospective employees who have worked for an extended period in the same field when applying for work. In Germany.... HA! You need some piece of paper saying you made an apprentiship or better... In short... if you cant prove your worth on paper, well then you better be looking for some kind of work that is less than a laborer.
I have dreams... one day I would like to be the boss of a kitchen... or the owner of a restaurant. But in Germany without a piece of paper saying that I went to school for a certain period of time or without a Bachelors or better in Gastoronomy... Im fucked. Maybe I can win the lottery. *shrug*
I find that working in Amerika is easier... when you have the time under your belt, it doesnt matter if you went to school or not. You can prove your worth by demonstration... rather than some fucking stupid piece of paper that doesnt say anything other than you went to school for a number of weeks or months. I have been in the food service business for years and years and years... but.... that doesnt matter here. I dont have some paper proving it!
Sigh... so I will take some 400€ per month job somewhere... and just be a common person. No standards, no expectations... maybe it will be a blessing in disguise.
GOOGLE übersetzt:
Also ... ich habe gerade heute darüber informiert, dass ich nicht mehr einen Job haben nach einer Ende Juli (ich war aus der Ferne als freischaffender Buchhalter in Amerika arbeiten ) ...
Unnötig zu sagen , ich bin sehr traurig über diese , bis zu dem Punkt zu weinen ... Ich half, diese Firma von Grund auf ... in den letzten 3 Jahren habe ich meine Zeit, Geld , Energie und Geist gespendet bauen machen dieses Unternehmen zu arbeiten ... aber die amerikanische Wirtschaft und die neuen Regeln auf kleinen Geschäftsbetrieb gebracht werden mein Unternehmen zu zwingen, Schritt aus dem Geschäftshaus . Was für eine Schande : (
Sooooooo .... jetzt bin ich mit dem, was ich in Deutschland tun, konfrontiert. In Amerika Kredit geben sie an potenzielle Mitarbeiter, die für einen längeren Zeitraum auf dem gleichen Gebiet bei der Bewerbung für Arbeit gearbeitet haben. In Deutschland .... HA ! Sie müssen einige Stück Papier sagen, Sie machte eine apprentiship oder besser ... Kurz gesagt ... wenn Sie schräg auf dem Papier beweisen Ihren Wert , auch dann werden Sie besser auf der Suche nach irgendeiner Art von Arbeit, die weniger als ein Arbeiter ist .
Ich habe Träume ... ich eines Tages möchte der Chef einer Küche ... oder der Eigentümer eines Restaurants sein . Aber in Deutschland ohne ein Stück Papier , dass ich zur Schule ging, für einen bestimmten Zeitraum oder ohne Bachelor oder besser in Gastoronomy ... Ich bin gefickt . Vielleicht kann ich in der Lotterie gewinnen . * Achselzucken *
Ich finde, dass die Arbeit in Amerika leichter ist ... wenn Sie die Zeit auf dem Buckel haben , ist es egal, wenn Sie zur Schule ging oder nicht. Sie können Ihren Wert beweisen , indem Demonstration ... anstatt einige verdammt dumm Stück Papier, das nichts anderes , als Sie zur Schule ging für einige Wochen oder Monate zu sagen hat . Ich habe in der Food-Service- Geschäft für Jahre und Jahre und Jahre (20 Jahre +) gewesen ... aber .... das spielt hier keine Rolle . Ich habe nicht ein Blatt Papier beweisen Sie es!
Seufz ... so dass ich rund 400 € pro Monat Job irgendwo treffen ... und nur ein gewöhnlicher Mensch sein . Keine Standards , keine Erwartungen ... vielleicht wird es ein Segen sein .
A change in direction... er motive
So... here I was thinking that I was going to write this awesome blog all about living in Germany... hahaha
I'm a fickle sort so I am changing it up a bit...
Yes, I will still make posts about challenges and life and such in Germany but over the last few days I have been thinking about other things I want to post about that really have nothing to do specifically with good old Deutschland. When my language skills permit, I will even make posts auf Deutsch!!! WOOT WOOT
I have a list... yes, a LIST of topics that have been playing over and over in my mind for a coupla weeks... Soooo.... just keep checking back and see how things develope. :)
I might even post pictures.
Soooo, sorry for the laps in posting but lots has been a'happenin. I'm still breathing, still kicking... STAY TUNED
Michelle
I'm a fickle sort so I am changing it up a bit...
Yes, I will still make posts about challenges and life and such in Germany but over the last few days I have been thinking about other things I want to post about that really have nothing to do specifically with good old Deutschland. When my language skills permit, I will even make posts auf Deutsch!!! WOOT WOOT
I have a list... yes, a LIST of topics that have been playing over and over in my mind for a coupla weeks... Soooo.... just keep checking back and see how things develope. :)
I might even post pictures.
Soooo, sorry for the laps in posting but lots has been a'happenin. I'm still breathing, still kicking... STAY TUNED
Michelle
8.5.14
Part drei to jetzt
Sooooo..... things are happening around me at an astounding rate and I feel the need to make the long short and then I can get started on the normal every day grind.
Soooooooooooo..... As you guessed, we started talking on the internet, emails back and forth and then we added each other to Facebook... then there were long conversations in chat.... loads and loads of pictures sent back and forth (ab und zu). Which then led to phone calls that were funny because he didnt speak much englisch and I not much deutsch... THANK TPTB for google translator and all its faults!
After a few months I suggested that I had urlaub (vacation/holiday) coming and was already thinking of coming to Germany before we met. He tells me to come, and stay with him!!!! I was soooo elated and happy!!! On cloud nine. I asked how long.... is immediate response was '2 weeks'... :)
Bought my ticket and flew to Germany in July of 2013. We met and it was that immediate 'click', you know... that click. For two weeks, we laughed and smiled and I was amazed at Germany. The people where wonderful and welcoming, the food absolutely delisch!!! I met his friends, his daughter, family.... and I felt like I had found a place I could call home.
At the end of two weeks, I was very heart heavy. I did not want to return to the USA but I knew I had to. AND..... there was no talk over staying or meeting again. I got the age old answer when I brought it up, 'Wir werden sehen (We will see).' So, I packed up my things, my gifts for loved ones back home, and he drove me to the airport on Aug 6th. I tried so hard not to get teary eyed or cry when we said goodbye but when he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss goodbye, he was also crying.... let the river flow....
On the plane I sat solemnly and read a letter from his best friend's daughter... I cried myself to sleep. In my heart I found a man I could spend my days with. We saw eye to eye. We FIT. And yes, I knew then that I loved him. But.... he is in Germany and I am in the USA, half way around the world. And again it hovered over me that there was no talk of the future. Okay, got it..... good experience, one I will treasure forever. And so began my bittersweet resolve.
5 days later, he calls.... Wie geht's? (How are you?)... I tell him I am okay, lost but okay... I ask him how he is doing and and he says the same... then I ask 'Ohne mich? (Without me?)' and thats when he tells me that he is not doing good, that he wants me to come back and be with him in Deutschland. So on August 11 2013 (all be it over the phone) he asked me to marry him!!!!! CLOUD NINE!!! I say yes but I also tell him I have to talk to my sons first.
October 2013, I sell everything I own aside from what I packed of my life in 3 boxes and 4 bags, find a good home for my wonderful dogs (the breed is not allowed in Germany without hefty hefty insurance and expensive registration AND agressiveness testing that I knew they would not pass),.... there are not many in this world who know what it is like to pack 40 years of your life into 3 boxes and 4 bags. CRAZY!!! But I did it! Waved goodbye to my family and friends, took a last look at the house I sold, drove away..... and flew to Germany. My new home.... my new life.... my new everything.
Man what a culture shock!
Soooooooooooo..... As you guessed, we started talking on the internet, emails back and forth and then we added each other to Facebook... then there were long conversations in chat.... loads and loads of pictures sent back and forth (ab und zu). Which then led to phone calls that were funny because he didnt speak much englisch and I not much deutsch... THANK TPTB for google translator and all its faults!
After a few months I suggested that I had urlaub (vacation/holiday) coming and was already thinking of coming to Germany before we met. He tells me to come, and stay with him!!!! I was soooo elated and happy!!! On cloud nine. I asked how long.... is immediate response was '2 weeks'... :)
Bought my ticket and flew to Germany in July of 2013. We met and it was that immediate 'click', you know... that click. For two weeks, we laughed and smiled and I was amazed at Germany. The people where wonderful and welcoming, the food absolutely delisch!!! I met his friends, his daughter, family.... and I felt like I had found a place I could call home.
At the end of two weeks, I was very heart heavy. I did not want to return to the USA but I knew I had to. AND..... there was no talk over staying or meeting again. I got the age old answer when I brought it up, 'Wir werden sehen (We will see).' So, I packed up my things, my gifts for loved ones back home, and he drove me to the airport on Aug 6th. I tried so hard not to get teary eyed or cry when we said goodbye but when he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss goodbye, he was also crying.... let the river flow....
On the plane I sat solemnly and read a letter from his best friend's daughter... I cried myself to sleep. In my heart I found a man I could spend my days with. We saw eye to eye. We FIT. And yes, I knew then that I loved him. But.... he is in Germany and I am in the USA, half way around the world. And again it hovered over me that there was no talk of the future. Okay, got it..... good experience, one I will treasure forever. And so began my bittersweet resolve.
5 days later, he calls.... Wie geht's? (How are you?)... I tell him I am okay, lost but okay... I ask him how he is doing and and he says the same... then I ask 'Ohne mich? (Without me?)' and thats when he tells me that he is not doing good, that he wants me to come back and be with him in Deutschland. So on August 11 2013 (all be it over the phone) he asked me to marry him!!!!! CLOUD NINE!!! I say yes but I also tell him I have to talk to my sons first.
October 2013, I sell everything I own aside from what I packed of my life in 3 boxes and 4 bags, find a good home for my wonderful dogs (the breed is not allowed in Germany without hefty hefty insurance and expensive registration AND agressiveness testing that I knew they would not pass),.... there are not many in this world who know what it is like to pack 40 years of your life into 3 boxes and 4 bags. CRAZY!!! But I did it! Waved goodbye to my family and friends, took a last look at the house I sold, drove away..... and flew to Germany. My new home.... my new life.... my new everything.
Man what a culture shock!
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